New Beginnings

H: “How are you gonna be when I leave?”

U: “How I was before I met you.”

H: “People come into your life and you’re never the same as they met you.”

U: “Talk to you later, H.”

Being evasive has always been easier.

When it comes to the conversation of feelings and companionship, avoidance has always been the easiest option because you don’t want to be that person who invests a lot of emotions and not get them reciprocated. That shit hurts.

So, this is me coming back here to write and document my feelings with the person (or people) I’m involved with.

This might get boring moving on, but I don’t care. I want to put it all out there just so there’s a digital footprint that proves that I was capable of feeling what I felt when I felt how I felt. That’s a lot of use of the word ‘felt’…syckk.

This is a welcome back for me because the last piece of writing I published was a memoir of the most genuine feeling I’ve ever felt in my life. And when that ended, I couldn’t bring myself to produce any other piece of writing.

Find below a piece I wrote from the night I got closure, a piece I never completed because that chapter closed as soon as it dawned, literally.

“It’s okay to still cry from something you thought you’ve healed from, at least that’s what this page I follow on Instagram said. That could just be the justification I need tonight to weep as if my wound is still fresh and my mother is pouring methylated spirit on it.

But it is not, it has been over six months. And the first few weeks did not hurt as much as it does now. I don’t know if it’s the cloudy night or the tastelessness of this wine on my tongue, but something has to have triggered these feelings of sadness, grief, and emptiness that I now feel. They were not there four months ago.”

But I have a great feeling about the present. It’s different, it feels unforced. It’s intimate and chill. It’s like when you try a different type of high. It’s filled with random acts of service, open-minded conversations, and a shared fear of commitment. That energy is what is pushing me right now to write this.

So even as I start this journey that has already begun with so much uncertainty, I’m more excited about the journey than the destination.

Till another time, Think Happy Thoughts.